INTERNAL / EXTERNAL GLOWUP

August 14, 2024

In this day and age, there’s lost of talk about glow up or enhancing externally.  Beautiful skin, glistening hair, the whites pearly white teeth…all wonderful.  I’m definitely an advocate for external selfcare…in the words of Deon Sanders, “If you look good, you feel good. If you feel good, you play good. If you play good, they pay good.”  Which I certainly agree with…however, in living a XoxingLife terms, “play good” refer to living an optimal, satisfying, enjoyable life; and “they pay good” in XoxingLife terms translates to they pertaining to the internal benefits of elevated self confidence and elevated self esteem which pay priceless dividends in thrive and sense of well being.  So, again, the external glow up is a crucial part of the self celebratory, self loving life experience.

In addition to external selfcare, or external self glow up, there’s the equally, if not more, dynamic aspect of a glow up; the kind that focuses on inner self-caring components of a thriving life.  Practices that support  healthy inner selfcare:

1.  spiritual life-

builds confidence in spirituality; that inner guidance that is ever present and always has highest good in mind. This internal spiritual selfcare is a “holy grail” of a sort cause it contributes to and/or solidifies a rooted, secure sense of added security in the world.

2. mental/thought life-

 internal thought self care examines and challenges thoughts that can support and sometimes undermine confidence. This inner selfcare improves or revamps those thoughts with awareness and targeted actions to heal insecurities, fears.

3. emotional life-

internal emotional selfcare is a way to process feelings like sadness, disappointments, grief which can lodge in the body under feelings like anger (or depression; which is anger turned inward); it’s here that needs are also embraced.

To wrap, both internal as well as external selfcare is pivotal to a healthy, enjoyable, thriving life.  Together they create a sense of safety and stronger personal identity through added selflove, healthier choices, self awareness, self understanding resulting in added confidence and self esteemed and radiance thereof. And, ultimately, the creation of a XoxoingLife, a satisfying, healthy, peaceful life rooted in love from the inside out…

Relational Check

August 16, 2024

The health of our most significant relationships have a powerful impact on the quality of our lives. Interesting enough, statistics show that more attention and effort and care is exerted towards career, financial prosperity. Awareness of this critical finding is a first step to change, if more meaningful connection in relationships with others is a desire.

Mark Knapp’s Relationship Model of Communication Theory is a dynamic tool; which maps out the trajectory of a relationship that is growing in a healthy way as well as a relationship that’s growing in an unhealthy way. Knowledge is power– when there is a vision for what a satisfying, fulfilling life, which can include healthy relationships, is to an individual…steps towards that ideal can be taken.

There are three aspects to Knapps’ model:

1. Coming Together- Bonding, Integrating, Intensifying, Experimenting, Initiating
2. Coming Apart- Differentiating, Circumscribing, Stagnating, Avoiding, Terminating
3. Relational Maintenance- actions taken to maintain a healthy relationship

Here’s an excellent online article on the matter: www.communicationtheory.org/knapps-relationship-model/

After reading the above, consider watching Spike Jonze’s , “Her”…a movie about the coming together and coming apart phases of relationship…then, consider your most significant relationships. In what stage is this relationship? Why? Are there any particular relational maintenance actions that contribute to the current stage of relating? Willing to share this with an ally friend…This exercise is meant for awareness purposes…if self condemning thoughts come to mind…free flow journaling helps to get them out, on paper for processing…expressing these with a person who is also doing self awareness work or a professional, can be helpful to discover and heal hurts typically beneath inner judgement. Wishing much love and light on the path to your XoxoingLife…creation of a life you love from the inside out…